How to stop judging your dates
Written by Eli Schostak on 12/26/18
I can’t believe he didn’t text me. All I want from him is some type of acknowledgement that he cares, some type of recognition that he thinks this will work out. I realize it’s only been a month since we’ve met but you would think after someone gets you a present worth a lot of money you could at least text me a “Thank you!” I’d even go so far as to throw in a heart emoji! 

Whatever maybe he’s not the appreciative type. I’ve seen how he is in restaurants barely acknowledging the waiter’s presence looking down at his phone the whole time while ordering.  

Maybe this is it, maybe I’m rushing things and going too fast , I bet he’s thinking I’m too pushy getting him a present so soon. How could I do this?! I do this all the time. I always mess up relationships when they’re just about to go to the next level. Yup I did it again, he’s never going to call me, he’ll probably just send the present back or throw it out and that’ll be it- What a jerk I should've trusted me gut I knew he'd let me do---------

RING RING (She runs over to the phone and reads)

“ This is awesome tx so much! My battery died on my phone it’s still charging call you soon!”

She put the cellphone up against her heart. 

...I’m going to marry him.

Isn’t this all of us? Rushing to judgment because something hasn’t happened immediately or the way we wanted it to. And what’s crazy is we do this to ourselves! 9 out of 10 times it’s our thoughts and judgments that makes us suffer and not the other person’s actions. We know that when we create these stories and rush to judge, it never helps us, yet we continue to do it anyways.

People who are searching for the right person to be with are constantly judging and this makes perfect sense. Here you are, a single individual trying to figure out if the person you're dating is going to be nice to me, my loved ones, respectful, fun, a good dancer (and fill in all the other specific criteria you may have) Once the other person passes or fails your mind made tests (judgments) then you will determine if you found the right one.

And therein is the inherent problem. Since we create all of these have to’s in order to fill our needs that’s why we judge our dates, partners,boyfriends girlfriends spouses, and whomever because we constantly are looking for them to make us happy.

In my relationship coaching programs this is one of the first things we attack. As Neale Donald Walshe says, 

Happiness is a choice not an experience."

And let's get a little more specific here. CHOICE MEANS IT’S UP TO YOU! Yes that’s right, your happiness is up to you and not whether he texts you back or she gets your humor. 

You can still be happy even if those things are not”fulfilled” by others. Ironically that is the exact way to have fulfilling relationships. In this mindframe of choosing your own happiness you will stop judging others, gain inner confidence, and ultimately have more meaningful relationships.

Eli Schostak

Eli Schostak helps singles get into and maintain healthy, fun, loving and easy going relationships with his proven coaching programs. He is an expert in human relationships having worked with hundreds of people to get them from where they are to where they want to be.
If you're interested in finding a "drama free" relationship then definitely reach out and request a free strategy session today.

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