Don’t you hate being led down a path of meaningless back and forth inauthentic communications? Trying to decipher through emoji’s and cryptic text messages and slight nuances in punctuation to see if a person is interested in you is exhausting.
There is endless suffering, annoyances, and pains we go through in trying to find the right one. Then after a separation, divorce, or break up, we question our sanity and think
How could I have stayed with this person for so long when I just knew it was wrong from the get go? I knew they were never right for me. Yes I may have rationalized their faults away and stayed because of what we had built, what we have done together.But in my heart of hearts, I always knew...I should have left a long time ago.
Ever think like this? I know countless people who have. Most of my clients have felt this way at one time or another when it came to their love lives. And I get it. I fully understand the agony one goes through when you want things to work so badly and it doesn’t.
It’s like filling up a regular car with diesel gas and driving a few feet away from the pump. You know you shouldn't have put in that type of gas, but your mind says, well maybe the car won’t realize I put in the wrong gas. It’s still gas right? Wrong. The longer you wait the more it screws up your engine. You need to get it out immediately.
Our love lives are quite similar to diesel gas. We rationalize with thoughts like :
But you don’t understand, she’s so pretty! But you don’t understand she treats my family so nicely. But you don’t understand, she’s so wealthy. But you don’t understand he’s such a good cook, father, brother, parent, lover, chef, accountant, driver, surfer.
Actually I do understand and so do you. Deep deep down your gut is telling you to abort ship but your mind (which doesn’t like change) says, stay will work it out. (or some form of "But you don’t understand")
Here’s where 99% of people get it wrong, it’s not that we don’t trust our gut. WE DO! We believe and know that our gut is right. It’s that we don’t have the courage and inner confidence to act on it because we are afraid. We are afraid of change, afraid of what others will think or afraid it will hurt the other person too much or the kids or but you don’t understand.
In order to find the right one and be in a relationship of awesome love, we must first love ourselves enough to conquer the fears in our minds which prevent us from getting what we “say” we want.
In my relationship coaching programs we address these “fears” head on. It’s scary for most but once you move past them, life opens up in beautiful ways and your love relationships become stronger, healthier and but you understand:)