Recognizing Financial Abuse in Marriage and How to Take Back Control

When we think about abuse in relationships, we often picture emotional or physical abuse, but there’s another form that’s just as damaging—financial abuse in marriage. It’s subtle, manipulative, and often goes unnoticed until it’s already caused serious harm.

Financial abuse in marriage happens when one partner controls, restricts, or manipulates the other’s access to money, making them financially dependent. If you feel trapped in your relationship because of money, or if your spouse dictates every financial decision without your input, you may be experiencing financial abuse.

Let’s break down the signs, why it happens, and what you can do to take back your financial independence.

What is Financial Abuse in Marriage?

Financial abuse is when one partner uses money to exert power and control over the other. It’s not just about being frugal or handling the household budget—it’s about using finances as a way to manipulate, isolate, or dominate a spouse.

Signs of Financial Abuse in Marriage

Financial abuse can look different in every relationship, but here are some common warning signs:

• Controlling All Finances – Your partner refuses to let you have access to bank accounts, credit cards, or financial records.
• Forcing Financial Dependence – They prevent you from working, sabotage job opportunities, or discourage career growth.
• Giving an Allowance – They limit how much money you can spend, even on personal necessities, while controlling larger financial decisions.
• Hiding or Withholding Money – They keep financial information secret or hide assets from you.
• Using Money to Manipulate – They threaten to withhold money for essentials like food, housing, or medical expenses if you don’t comply with their wishes.
• Racking Up Debt in Your Name – They open credit cards or take out loans in your name without your consent, ruining your credit.

If any of these sound familiar, know that you are not alone, and there are ways to regain control.

Why Financial Abuse Happens

Financial abuse isn’t about money—it’s about power and control. The abuser wants to keep their partner dependent and unable to leave. This type of control often stems from:

• Fear of losing control – They believe keeping you financially dependent ensures you won’t leave.
• Insecurity and dominance – They see financial control as a way to assert superiority in the relationship.
• Learned behavior – They may have witnessed financial abuse in their upbringing and see it as normal.

No matter the reason, financial abuse in marriage is not acceptable, and you deserve financial freedom.

How to Take Back Control from Financial Abuse

1. Acknowledge the Problem

The first step is recognizing that financial abuse is happening. If you feel anxious about money because of your partner’s control, your concerns are valid. Abuse thrives in secrecy—acknowledging it is the first step toward regaining independence.

2. Educate Yourself on Your Financial Situation

• If you don’t have access to financial accounts, start gathering information.
• Check your credit report to see if any accounts have been opened in your name.
• Learn about your household income, expenses, and assets.

3. Start Building Financial Independence

• Open a separate bank account in your name if it’s safe to do so.
• Find small ways to earn your own income, even if it’s just a side job.
• Seek financial literacy resources to better understand budgeting and saving.

4. Seek Support from Trusted People

Abusers often isolate their partners, making them feel like they have no one to turn to. Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or a financial counselor.

• There are organizations that help survivors of financial abuse regain independence.
• A financial advisor or coach can help you create a plan to rebuild your financial stability.

5. Consider Professional Guidance

If you’re feeling trapped and don’t know where to start, coaching can help. A coach or therapist can help you navigate financial abuse, set boundaries, and take back control.

Final Thoughts: You Deserve Financial Freedom

Financial abuse in marriage is about control, but you have the power to take back your independence. Whether you’re recognizing the signs, taking small steps toward financial freedom, or seeking outside help, know that you deserve a relationship where you are respected and financially empowered.

If you’re struggling with financial control in your marriage and need support, I can help. Coaching can give you the tools to rebuild your independence and regain control over your life.

Book a FREE meet & greet call today, and let’s work together to get you the freedom and financial security you deserve.